shego:

people who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they can’t even finish the joke because they’re laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people

omidspissedoffcat:

my blogging technique is staying gone for a while and then posting 20 posts persecond

As your girlfriend, I will make it my duty to turn you on at the most inappropriate of times.

codons:

this girl who rode my bus once came up to me and was like “oh my god dont get offended or anything but are you GAAAAAAAAAAY?!” and i was like yeah and then she was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO HANG OUT AND GO SHOPPING” and i was like “dont get offended or anything but are you ASIAN?!” and she was like “omg yeah im filipino” and i was like “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO MAKE SPRING ROLLS AT YOUR HOUSE SOME TIME” and she never talked to me again 

peetalikestoast:

i really hate it when people say you shouldn’t use the computer or watch tv before going to bed and instead you should read a book because you need winding down time or you won’t sleep. ha ha good one do you know what happens if i start a book before bed?! i end up fucking finishing it that’s what

  • God: you have to die so their sins can be forgiven
  • Jesus:
  • Jesus:
  • Jesus:
  • Jesus: i just came here to have a good time and i'm honestly feeling so attacked right now